Revealing Your True Self
“Now Peter was sitting outside in the courtyard. A servant-girl came to him and said, ‘You also were with Jesus the Galilean.’ But he denied it before all of them, saying, ‘I do not know what you are talking about.’ When he went out to the porch, another servant-girl saw him, and she said to the bystanders, ‘This man was with Jesus of Nazareth.’ Again he denied it with an oath, ‘I do not know the man.’ After a little while the bystanders came up and said to Peter, ‘Certainly you are also one of them, for your accent betrays you.’ Then he began to curse, and he swore an oath, ‘I do not know the man!’ At that moment the cock crowed. Then Peter remembered what Jesus had said: ‘Before the cock crows, you will deny me three times.’ And he went out and wept bitterly.” (from Matthew 26)
I am certain that you know this story, how Peter yielded to his fears. He was, as you might imagine, shaken to the core. And he was never the same after this experience. Why? Because it revealed his true self, not just to him, but also to others, and especially, to Jesus.
But let me back up a bit. You know Peter. The books of your New Testament are filled with him. He was without a doubt, foremost among the disciples of Jesus. One of the earliest recruits, Peter soon surpassed his brother Andrew as a leader among the twelve. When in Capernaum, Jesus was welcomed to lodge with Peter and his wife, and even once healed Peter’s mother-in-law from a terrible fever.
You may also remember that Peter’s real name was Simon, but Jesus renamed him “Peter,” meaning “the rock.”
Whenever Jesus chose to reveal a deeper quality of his ministry, he selected Peter, James and John, and always in that order. For example, these three accompanied Jesus to the Mount of Transfiguration, witnessing the transformation of Jesus along with visitors Moses and Elijah.
Notably, Peter, James and John also slept through Jesus’ agonizing prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane.
Among the disciples, Peter typically spoke first, and seemed to assume the role as a “second in command” to Jesus. When Jesus asked, “But who do you say that I am?” It was Peter who boldly answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the Living God.” To which Jesus responded, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father in heaven. And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not prevail against it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” (from Matthew 16)
And when Jesus startled his listeners with words of eating his flesh and drinking his blood (John 6), it was Peter who responded. An exodus of followers had been triggered by Jesus’ perplexing remarks, leading Jesus to ask the twelve, “’Do you also wish to go away?’ Simon Peter, speaking for all of them, answered him, ‘Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.’”
You may also remember that Peter’s bravado sometimes led him to claim an authority above his status as an apostle, a follower. When Jesus explained his fate of death and resurrection, Peter impulsively responded, “’God forbid it, Lord! This must never happen to you.’ But he turned and said to Peter, ‘Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; for you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things.’”
It was Peter who thought he could walk on water with Jesus. It was Peter who wanted to build tents for Jesus, Moses and Elijah on the Mount of Transfiguration. It was Peter who at first, objected as Jesus stooped to wash his feet. And it was Peter, according to John, who drew his sword and cut off the ear of the high priest’s slave, prompting Jesus to rebuke him.
Did Jesus know what he was getting when he invited Peter to join him? Was he correct to assign so much importance to Peter? What do you think?
Peter’s three denials did not take Jesus by surprise. In fact, he actually predicted it:
“’Simon, Simon, listen! Satan has demanded to sift all of you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your own faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.’ And he said to him, ‘Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death!’” Jesus said, ‘I tell you, Peter, the cock will not crow this day, until you have denied three times that you know me.’”
Jesus knew what would happen and he knew that Peter would need to “turn back” and strengthen his brother apostles.
But in the darkness of his three denials, all Peter could think of was his absolute failure. The ultimate test of his faith had found him wanting. All his bluster and bravado had been stripped away to reveal his true self, the very human, very flawed Simon Peter.
But in retrospect, wasn’t his failure necessary? It was a humbling experience, to be sure. And I am certain you will agree that in all of our lives, there is no shortage of humbling experiences. Peter’s humbling experience literally brought him to his knees. He “wept bitterly.”
The Tears of St. Peter
El Greco, late 16th century
However, those humbling experiences teach us, don’t they? Peter’s certainly did. Only weeks later, Peter preached the very first Christian evangelistic sermon. It was on the day of the Pentecost festival and you can read about it in the book of Acts. That day, many heard Peter preach and decided to follow Jesus. It was wonderful!
How could that happen? How could Peter, in just a matter of a few weeks, rebound from the lowest point of his life to preach his charismatic sermon at Pentecost? Didn’t his humbling experience essentially disqualify him?
Perhaps not. Consider this: could Peter’s denials of Jesus have served, in a way, to refine him, to use his newfound humility for good?
I believe so. But I also saw something more, something else that enabled Peter to recover in a way that equipped him to “turn back” as Jesus had predicted.
You see, before his sermon at Pentecost, Peter heard one more prophecy from Jesus. It occurred on the shore of the Sea of Galilee (John 21). After fishing all night with no results, Peter and six of his brothers, including me, saw a figure on the beach. This figure, clothed in the darkness just as dawn was breaking, advised us to cast our net on the “right side.” When we did, our catch was so great that the boat couldn’t hold it!
John immediately knew who it was. “It is the Lord,” he exclaimed, at which point Peter, always the impulsive one, wrapped his tunic around his waist, jumped into the water, and swam to shore. And when the rest of us arrived, it was Peter who pulled the net onto the beach.
We had a joyous breakfast with Jesus. At least most of us. I could tell that Peter wasn’t sure exactly where he stood with Jesus. There had been no serious exchange between them since the fateful night of his three denials.
Here is John’s account of what happened next:
“When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?’
‘Yes, Lord,’ he said, ‘you know that I love you.’
Jesus said, ‘Feed my lambs.’
Again Jesus said, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’
He answered, ‘Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.’
Jesus said, ‘Take care of my sheep.’
The third time he said to him, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, ‘Do you love me?’ He said, ‘Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.’
Jesus said, ‘Feed my sheep. Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.’ Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, ‘Follow me!’”
I noted that in this instance, Jesus used Peter’s formal name, Simon, and did not call him “Peter, the rock.”
Did Jesus ask him three times because Peter had denied Jesus three times? I don’t know. Perhaps.
In any case, Jesus uttered a new prophecy for Peter, replacing his ominous prediction of denial, with one of leadership in ministry, followed by a sacrificial death.
Peter could never have been an effective leader without the humbling experience of his denial of Jesus. As a result, he could lead others with an empathy that he had previously lacked.
But that wasn’t enough, at least not in Jesus’ opinion. You see, Peter’s confidence had been shattered by his denials. His true self was revealed in all its ugliness. But now, Jesus expressed his belief in Peter. In Jesus’ prophecy, Peter’s faith in himself was mended. And so, Simon, son of John, was restored to Peter, the rock. As a result, on Pentecost, Peter was, filled with the confidence of Jesus, and full of the Spirit, able to rise to the occasion.
What does Peter’s story teach us? Well, it has taught me that I can stumble, and stumble badly, and reveal my true self in all its flaws. And yet, Jesus will not give up on me. It has taught me that my failings can serve as lessons, perhaps even stepping stones to a deeper calling from God, as long as I don’t quit and give up.
And finally, it has taught me that, when I have fallen, Jesus will be there to pick me up. If I let him. I will not be abandoned by him. Ever.